Artist's Way Week #5- Recovering a Sense of Possibility
The Artist’s Way has introduced me to a whole new way of looking at God (or the Universe, Higher Power etc.). I have looked at and wrestled with my monsters of the past and I have now identified the crazymakers in my present. Then last week I took a good hard look at me and how I did (or did not) spend my creative time. I know in my heart that these lessons are necessary for me to move forward with my creative recovery. Each chapter has exposed and enlightened, and all of it to this point, has have kept me comfortably grounded.
There was no warning that chapter 5 was going to launch me into the future! I was prepared for my creative future to begin at the end of the book but certainly NOT before the half way point of the book. My insides are screaming “I AM NOT READY”. I feel like I am sitting on a creative launch pad, all suited up and ready to go, with no clue where I am headed or how I am going to get there!
Living close to Cape Canaveral, I know how a launch is supposed to go. Every single working part is inspected and then inspected again. Every system has a backup, with a backup for the backup; there cannot be the slightest glitch. There is no margin for error and everything is planned down to the minutest detail. And then….after all of the planning and preparation, the launch will often be postponed to another day while they recheck everything all over again. Clearly, my creative life has been rolled out to the launch pad, but I assure you, the launch date has not been set.
I optimistically arrived at chapter 5 prepared for, quite frankly, more preparation, only to find that the count down has already started. I have no back up systems in place and no real destination in mind. 10..9..8..7...Separation from Ground support, 6…5…4… Creative Life Systems Ignition, 3..2..1…BLAST OFF! There’s no turning back now!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
The Research Ruse
Artist’s Way Week #4 Recovering a Sense of Integrity (part deux)
This is the second blog entry for week #4, and it is not because is my favorite chapter. If anything, it is one of my most difficult. It just happened that week #4 occurred over the 4th of July week this year. Our Artist’s Way group opted to take the holiday week off, giving this chapter a full 2 weeks of my attention. It was not necessarily a bad thing to spend more time contemplating this chapter, although I did have to put my foot down and limit that reading deprivation exercise to only 1 week!
This past week I was reminded of Julia Cameron’s observation, that as creatives we tend to look the gift horse directly in the mouth, then slap it on the rump and shoo it off! I cannot come up with a better analogy for week #4’s reading deprivation exercise, other than to add, that by postponing it as long as possible I personally made a valiant attempt to not look at the gift horse at all.
Over the years I have devised an ingenious way of protecting my Artist’s Date activities from judgmental friends and family by calling them artistic research. Since the mere word RESEARCH typically brings up thoughts of high browed academia and hours of tedious study, most of them will drop that conversation immediately. No further explanation is expected from me and I am relieved of duty, no need in explaining how skipping stones at the local pond or playing with a big gooey blob of silly putty is necessary for my art.
Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) in this past week of reading deprivation, I made a harrowing discovery. I have managed to fend off my own creativity with that very same clever ruse. I recognized that I was calling my all of my own reading, RESEARCH!
I had successfully convinced myself that reading about creativity could make me more creative than actually doing it.
This coming week, I will…
#1 actively create more
#2 confine my RESEARCH to house keeping techniques
And
#3 pray that none of my family or friends read this blog!
This is the second blog entry for week #4, and it is not because is my favorite chapter. If anything, it is one of my most difficult. It just happened that week #4 occurred over the 4th of July week this year. Our Artist’s Way group opted to take the holiday week off, giving this chapter a full 2 weeks of my attention. It was not necessarily a bad thing to spend more time contemplating this chapter, although I did have to put my foot down and limit that reading deprivation exercise to only 1 week!
This past week I was reminded of Julia Cameron’s observation, that as creatives we tend to look the gift horse directly in the mouth, then slap it on the rump and shoo it off! I cannot come up with a better analogy for week #4’s reading deprivation exercise, other than to add, that by postponing it as long as possible I personally made a valiant attempt to not look at the gift horse at all.
Over the years I have devised an ingenious way of protecting my Artist’s Date activities from judgmental friends and family by calling them artistic research. Since the mere word RESEARCH typically brings up thoughts of high browed academia and hours of tedious study, most of them will drop that conversation immediately. No further explanation is expected from me and I am relieved of duty, no need in explaining how skipping stones at the local pond or playing with a big gooey blob of silly putty is necessary for my art.
Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) in this past week of reading deprivation, I made a harrowing discovery. I have managed to fend off my own creativity with that very same clever ruse. I recognized that I was calling my all of my own reading, RESEARCH!
I had successfully convinced myself that reading about creativity could make me more creative than actually doing it.
This coming week, I will…
#1 actively create more
#2 confine my RESEARCH to house keeping techniques
And
#3 pray that none of my family or friends read this blog!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Sorting Through and Clearing Out. Have you SEEN my studio?
The Artist's Way Week #4 Recovering a Sense of Integrity
“Shifts in taste and perception frequently accompany shifts in identity.” Julia Cameron writes in Chapter 4. This week’s reading explains the idea that as I continue to move closer to recovering my creative identity I may have feelings of weeding out, sorting through and discarding old belongings.
I am hoping this does not apply to the things in my studio!
My studio is my refuge and a very interesting place; it is also the pack rat palace of the world! I love collecting insignificant, unrelated, and interesting things. “You never know when you might need this” is my creed. Every fascinating tid-bit is a cache of marvelous memories or precious possibilities. Stacked on every shelf, corner and horizontal space are all of my extraneous treasures! Can you imagine how terrified I was at the mere prospect that I might have feelings of weeding out, sorting through and discarding any of them?
So, here’s a thought. How about if when then these marvelous feelings of creative clarity arrive, followed by the need to weed out, sort through or discard, I head straight for my husband’s closet!
Yes- I understand this is NOT what Chapter 4, Recovering a Sense of Integrity intended, but I am thinking it has some promise!
“Shifts in taste and perception frequently accompany shifts in identity.” Julia Cameron writes in Chapter 4. This week’s reading explains the idea that as I continue to move closer to recovering my creative identity I may have feelings of weeding out, sorting through and discarding old belongings.
I am hoping this does not apply to the things in my studio!
My studio is my refuge and a very interesting place; it is also the pack rat palace of the world! I love collecting insignificant, unrelated, and interesting things. “You never know when you might need this” is my creed. Every fascinating tid-bit is a cache of marvelous memories or precious possibilities. Stacked on every shelf, corner and horizontal space are all of my extraneous treasures! Can you imagine how terrified I was at the mere prospect that I might have feelings of weeding out, sorting through and discarding any of them?
So, here’s a thought. How about if when then these marvelous feelings of creative clarity arrive, followed by the need to weed out, sort through or discard, I head straight for my husband’s closet!
Yes- I understand this is NOT what Chapter 4, Recovering a Sense of Integrity intended, but I am thinking it has some promise!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
“The Synchronicity Fairy”
The Artist's Way Week #3 Recovering a Sense of Power
Synchronicity, a wonderful concept! This week Julia Cameron introduces us to psychologist Carl Jung’s theory of synchronicity. It postulates that there is an underlying connection to the universe that manifests itself through meaningful coincidences. Some scientists are beginning to see a theoretical grounding for synchronicity in quantum physics, fractal geometry, and chaos theory, but personally I think it is the Synchronicity Fairy.
Somewhere along the way, I apparently grew up, lost the magic of make believe and replaced it with psychological theories grounded in quantum physics and fractal geometry. I have decided it is time to dump the scientific theories and revive my inner child’s imagination.
My inner child still holds Santa Claus as the supreme high holy synchronistic sovereign. Make a list of toys, and poof– he manifests them! The Easter bunny works pretty much the same way, he just does not get the press that Santa does. Of course part of the problem is that a basket of colored boiled eggs and chocolate is good, but cannot hold a candle to a Barbie Dream House or the blue Schwinn with a handle bar basket.
I think it is time to introduce you to my Synchronicity Fairy. She is a first cousin of the Tooth Fairy and they share many of the same characteristics. Like the Tooth Fairy the Synchronicity Fairy is stealth, preferring not to be exposed by the retail industry and blatant commercialization, unlike Santa and the Bunny. The Tooth Fairy requires I loose a tooth before I get a quarter under my pillow. The Synchronicity Fairy expects me to loose my doubts, my ego, and all of my preconceived notions before she will bestow her gifts. The Tooth Fairy only works with my eyes closed because I already know what her gifts are. The Synchronicity Fairy prefers I keep my eyes wide open and pay close attention so I do not miss a thing; her gifts are different every time.
Yes indeed, I believe I have reconnected to my inner child!
“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”
Pablo Picasso
Synchronicity, a wonderful concept! This week Julia Cameron introduces us to psychologist Carl Jung’s theory of synchronicity. It postulates that there is an underlying connection to the universe that manifests itself through meaningful coincidences. Some scientists are beginning to see a theoretical grounding for synchronicity in quantum physics, fractal geometry, and chaos theory, but personally I think it is the Synchronicity Fairy.
Somewhere along the way, I apparently grew up, lost the magic of make believe and replaced it with psychological theories grounded in quantum physics and fractal geometry. I have decided it is time to dump the scientific theories and revive my inner child’s imagination.
My inner child still holds Santa Claus as the supreme high holy synchronistic sovereign. Make a list of toys, and poof– he manifests them! The Easter bunny works pretty much the same way, he just does not get the press that Santa does. Of course part of the problem is that a basket of colored boiled eggs and chocolate is good, but cannot hold a candle to a Barbie Dream House or the blue Schwinn with a handle bar basket.
I think it is time to introduce you to my Synchronicity Fairy. She is a first cousin of the Tooth Fairy and they share many of the same characteristics. Like the Tooth Fairy the Synchronicity Fairy is stealth, preferring not to be exposed by the retail industry and blatant commercialization, unlike Santa and the Bunny. The Tooth Fairy requires I loose a tooth before I get a quarter under my pillow. The Synchronicity Fairy expects me to loose my doubts, my ego, and all of my preconceived notions before she will bestow her gifts. The Tooth Fairy only works with my eyes closed because I already know what her gifts are. The Synchronicity Fairy prefers I keep my eyes wide open and pay close attention so I do not miss a thing; her gifts are different every time.
Yes indeed, I believe I have reconnected to my inner child!
“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”
Pablo Picasso
Monday, June 22, 2009
Crazymaking Sainthood
Artist's Way-Week #2 Recovering a Sense of Identity
Ah Crazymakers!
It truly is a shame that I do not get paid for the number of crazymakers I attract, I would surely be a millionaire by now! Attracting crazymakers is just one of my under appreciated and unpaid abilities. I also hold world records for self doubt and feeling sorry for myself, but I digress.
In Recovering a Sense of Identity I am rudely reminded that there may be a slight possibility that I am the one inviting the crazymakers into my life. Could it possibly be that I have become so desperately artistically blocked that encouraging these frenzied whirling vortexes in my life has become a viable alternative to creating?
This is just twisted!
What is it about creating that scares me so much?
There are many answers to this question and none of them easy or short. But as I start my creative recovery and begin to inspect my own creative habits (or lack there of) I discover one astonishing fact. I have found it easier to “fix” other people’s problems than it is to “fix” my own. Afraid of being labeled selfish, narcissistic and self absorbed, I assemble the crazymakers to sooth my greedy ego and elevate my personal status to self-sacrificing sainthood by solving their problems. I appease my creative guilt by being the virtuous untrained under qualified shrink.
This is my official notice-
I am giving up my chance for post mortem selfless saintly beatification and am picking up vibrant colors in search on my marvelous dynamic creative life. Is it possible I could serve others (and myself) best by being a little selfish and tapping into my own resourceful and unlimited creative power to become a creative role model?
Ah Crazymakers!
It truly is a shame that I do not get paid for the number of crazymakers I attract, I would surely be a millionaire by now! Attracting crazymakers is just one of my under appreciated and unpaid abilities. I also hold world records for self doubt and feeling sorry for myself, but I digress.
In Recovering a Sense of Identity I am rudely reminded that there may be a slight possibility that I am the one inviting the crazymakers into my life. Could it possibly be that I have become so desperately artistically blocked that encouraging these frenzied whirling vortexes in my life has become a viable alternative to creating?
This is just twisted!
What is it about creating that scares me so much?
There are many answers to this question and none of them easy or short. But as I start my creative recovery and begin to inspect my own creative habits (or lack there of) I discover one astonishing fact. I have found it easier to “fix” other people’s problems than it is to “fix” my own. Afraid of being labeled selfish, narcissistic and self absorbed, I assemble the crazymakers to sooth my greedy ego and elevate my personal status to self-sacrificing sainthood by solving their problems. I appease my creative guilt by being the virtuous untrained under qualified shrink.
This is my official notice-
I am giving up my chance for post mortem selfless saintly beatification and am picking up vibrant colors in search on my marvelous dynamic creative life. Is it possible I could serve others (and myself) best by being a little selfish and tapping into my own resourceful and unlimited creative power to become a creative role model?
Friday, June 12, 2009
Respectable Southern Lady?
Artist's Way-Week #1 Recovering a Sense of Safety
I have come up with quite literally a ba-zillion things that compromise my creativity, but there is one that consistently buzzes around like an annoying summer house fly. It really has more to do with age and the genteel south than my creativity. Raised in a small rural southern town in the fifties and sixties, my parents diligently tried to bring me up as a Refined Respectable Southern Lady. Unfortunately, I failed miserably at it. To this day I do not wear lady like dresses or high heels, they hurt my feet and I prefer shorts & flip-flops. I do not have a beautiful southern manicured lawn (but I do have a Magnolia Tree) because I can't seem to grow anything but weeds, however in my opinion, anything green that grows and requires mowing, IS a lawn. It is my belief that Sunday mornings should be strictly for lounging because spirituality should be practiced every day, not just one day and I do not belong to any do-good civic organizations, because I do not need to be organized to do good.
My parents really did an excellent job of raising me up right, because to this day, there continues to be this nagging Refined Respectable Southern Lady movie that plays over and over in my head. A lousy reminder of my failure to attain that status. There is no big deep seeded psychosis here, just this pesky pang of guilt that regularly eats away at my creative self esteem.
Finally, I am well past my own mid-century mark and I think I can safely let go of the fear of falling short of the typical, elegant, Refined Respectable Southern Lady expectations and at last embrace and celebrate all that I am at this moment.
So with all that being said, I am pleased to announce, that The Refined Respectable Southern Lady movie has been canceled. The Old Eccentric Artsy Broad show is now playing!
I have come up with quite literally a ba-zillion things that compromise my creativity, but there is one that consistently buzzes around like an annoying summer house fly. It really has more to do with age and the genteel south than my creativity. Raised in a small rural southern town in the fifties and sixties, my parents diligently tried to bring me up as a Refined Respectable Southern Lady. Unfortunately, I failed miserably at it. To this day I do not wear lady like dresses or high heels, they hurt my feet and I prefer shorts & flip-flops. I do not have a beautiful southern manicured lawn (but I do have a Magnolia Tree) because I can't seem to grow anything but weeds, however in my opinion, anything green that grows and requires mowing, IS a lawn. It is my belief that Sunday mornings should be strictly for lounging because spirituality should be practiced every day, not just one day and I do not belong to any do-good civic organizations, because I do not need to be organized to do good.
My parents really did an excellent job of raising me up right, because to this day, there continues to be this nagging Refined Respectable Southern Lady movie that plays over and over in my head. A lousy reminder of my failure to attain that status. There is no big deep seeded psychosis here, just this pesky pang of guilt that regularly eats away at my creative self esteem.
Finally, I am well past my own mid-century mark and I think I can safely let go of the fear of falling short of the typical, elegant, Refined Respectable Southern Lady expectations and at last embrace and celebrate all that I am at this moment.
So with all that being said, I am pleased to announce, that The Refined Respectable Southern Lady movie has been canceled. The Old Eccentric Artsy Broad show is now playing!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Good Vibrations
Celebrating the beginning of the 12th year of creative facilitating is an excellent time to take a look back at the countless classes, workshops, summer Artist’s Way groups and remember all of the wonderful creatives I have had the privilege of getting to know. Each and everyone of them has touched my heart in their own way and have contributed so much to my own creativity! I am so grateful!
This is what I have to focus on as each new class begins. As I stand in front of a new class I am scared to death, my heart pounds and I ask myself why am I doing this! I panic, I sweat, my throat is dry and my voice cracks! I wonder if they notice? I want desperately to know what they are all thinking, do they like me, do they think I am nuts, will they trust me, are they laughing at me? Every fear you can imagine is lurking just under my skin and my first inclination is to turn and run. The terror is overwhelming!
The 2009 Artist’s Way Group at the Casselberry Art House began last Sunday night and I was praying this would be the class that I finally get over this! The short answer is, no it wasn’t. It was the same apprehension, the same anxiety all over again, but something was very different this time! There was an incredible electricity and energy that filled the studio classroom, the first time I have ever felt such exciting camaraderie on the first encounter. I am so excited and am certain that these good vibrations are just the beginning of one of the most exhilarating creative summers of my life.
This is what I have to focus on as each new class begins. As I stand in front of a new class I am scared to death, my heart pounds and I ask myself why am I doing this! I panic, I sweat, my throat is dry and my voice cracks! I wonder if they notice? I want desperately to know what they are all thinking, do they like me, do they think I am nuts, will they trust me, are they laughing at me? Every fear you can imagine is lurking just under my skin and my first inclination is to turn and run. The terror is overwhelming!
The 2009 Artist’s Way Group at the Casselberry Art House began last Sunday night and I was praying this would be the class that I finally get over this! The short answer is, no it wasn’t. It was the same apprehension, the same anxiety all over again, but something was very different this time! There was an incredible electricity and energy that filled the studio classroom, the first time I have ever felt such exciting camaraderie on the first encounter. I am so excited and am certain that these good vibrations are just the beginning of one of the most exhilarating creative summers of my life.
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